Some Great Reward

Some things are worth getting your heart broken for. ~ Sarah Jane Smith

Yesterday I finished all the shots from last Saturday’s NC Tour de Cure kickoff event. You can find them in several upload posts here on the Tour de Cure Raleigh’s Facebook page, and decided I deserved a little something nice for a reward. That’s Double Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream with bananas, strawberries, and chocolate syrup on top, if you’re curious.

I love shooting the TdC, it’s one of two events I shoot annually. The other, of course, is the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit. I believe in both of these causes, so I don’t charge for my time, my photos, or my work in processing. (Both events put me up in a hotel, and take great care of me in other ways, though!) I’m not wealthy enough to make large monetary contributions, so I feel like this is one way for me to support these causes and the people who those causes help.

I like helping people. I like being a part of a solution. I like knowing that I’ve done what I can for someone who needs something. And perhaps that’s why I have such wonderful friends who’ve done so much for me. Maybe I just tend to surround myself with people who reach out and do what they can for people in need. I don’t know, ask a psychologist.

But it’s recently been said that I give too much in a relationship, and I suppose that idea is tied into all this, too. But I don’t think I like the idea of withholding help when it’s needed. I think we all go through ups and downs, and some downs are deeper than others. And I think when a partner is down deep in a hole, I’m ok with the giving being one-sided for awhile, until they can climb out. Now, no one can do that forever, of course, but I don’t think keeping score (‘I gave twice this week, and you’ve only given once, it’s your turn’) is a good romantic strategy.

Of course, what do I know?

Anyway, the risk of getting my heart so badly broken is the price of admission for loving and giving and helping and forgiving, I think. It’s a terrible price, but it’s worth it. It’s a price I’ve paid before, and a ticket I’ll buy again, I’m sure.

Meanwhile, I’ll eat Double Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream with bananas, strawberries, and chocolate syrup on top, and that makes me feel less sad and more introspective. It’s lovely that I’m getting to the point where sometimes I can look back and smile.





To repeat the disclaimer, this is a project about re-discovery. It’s about remembering who I am, what I’m about, what I love and what I do not. Fair warning, this project will be posted here rather than at my SFW site because there will be nudity from time to time. Some of it will be of me, some not, some artistic and pretty to look at, some just raw.

I don’t intend to think of something every day and then shoot it, though I may do that sometimes, too. But sometimes I will just shoot, and then find something about myself in the frames and post about that thing, whatever it is.

All my #365SelfDiscovery posts will be filed here.