Frequently Asked Questions
Q. How does the shoot go? What can I expect?
A. I’m going to write a whole separate page about this, so hang in there for a bit.
Q. Can I share the photos on social media?
A. Please! Please do. Share them everywhere. Share them in a box and in just your socks and with a fox. Share our pictures of you bare, share our pictures *everywhere*. Add a link to this website, if you would, please!
Q. Can I add an Instagram filter?
A. Don’t you dare. I will hunt you down and eat your liver with a *whole plate* of fava beans and a nice chianti. It’s my policy, just so y’know. Ok, maybe not. I don’t like fava beans, and I’ve never tried chianti. But if you want an image cropped or altered in some way (say, to B&W or something), please don’t hesitate to ask me. I’m usually happy to oblige. But please don’t ruin your photos with a cheesy Instagram filter.
Q. What if I’m running late on the day of the shoot?
A. I drive a stake through your heart, burn you at the stake, and scatter your ashes at the dog park where you’ll be peed on for eternity, usually, unless I’m in a bad mood. If you call as soon as you know you’re running late, I’ll try to do it gently. Arriving with a wine bribe wouldn’t hurt. Just not chianti.
Q. Should I lose that first/last 15 pounds first?
A. Look. You’re beautiful. Stop letting society dictate what you should look like. Have you looked through my albums? There are women of all sorts of shapes and sizes and they’re gorgeous just the way they are. Guess what? So are you. Do what you need to do to make yourself happy, and that’s more important than anything anyone else thinks.
Q. Can you Photoshop my thighs/arms/stomach/nose to be smaller?
A. No. And I wouldn’t if I could. I don’t mind removing the zit that will definitely show up the morning of the shoot (I swear it’s a law of Physics), but I will not fundamentally alter your body to fit some weird, unattainable beauty standard. You’re lovely, just the way you are. And my job is not to make you beautiful. My job is to show you how beautiful *you already are*. I like to say I am fixing the world, one beautiful person at a time, and you’re next.
Q. How will I get my photos?
A. I’ll deliver all your photos to you electronically in a private folder on Dropbox.com, and you can have whichever ones you like printed at your favorite printer’s place. Stay tuned for the “What can I expect” page for more details.
Or if you’d like me to order the prints, I’ll get them professionally printed and sent discreetly to you directly, as soon as you let me know which ones. There is of course a small extra charge for each print, depending on the number of copies and the size of each print.
Q. Do I have to shave?
A. No. You don’t have to do a damned thing. I like people just the way they are. Be you. And if you are a person that likes having hairy pits and legs and [insert euphemism for labia here], then that’s how you should look. You’ll get no judgment from me. If you want to groom, groom. If you don’t, that’s fine, too.
Q. Should I wax?
A. That’s entirely up to you. But if you do wax, I recommend you have it done a few days before the shoot, to allow time for the minor redness and swelling to go away.
Q. Can I bring a friend?
A. Of course. Bring a friend. Bring two. Bring twenty. Bring your partner/significant other, if it’s not a surprise for them. Just be aware that I reserve the right to put them to work, without pay, checking wardrobe or moving lights or whatnot during the shoot. They will also probably be in charge of keeping the coffee cups / wine glasses full. I get very cranky when my coffee cup / wine glass is empty, so make sure they’re the responsible type. They might also have to listen to me ramble about nonsense. Fair warning.
Q. How soon will I get my pictures?
A. Depending on the number of frames we shoot, it usually takes me a few days to process and develop and deliver all the shots from a shoot.
Q. What do I wear, what do I bring?
A. Bring it all. Bring everything. The more you bring, the more options we have.
Here’s a list of suggestions:
A Book! (…for The Book Club, if you want in!)
Jewelry – sparkles and pearls, especially
Jeans – you know which pair. That pair that makes your ass look amazing
Skirts – especially the ultra-short one that you won’t wear in public
Dresses – see “Skirts”
Shorts – see “Dresses”
T-shirts – especially the cut-up one
Large men’s button down shirt
Halloween/Bedroom costumes and masks
Blindfolds, Cuffs, Collar, Crop, Paddle, etc.
Q. Will my pictures be public?
A. That’s up to you. I’d love to share a few of our shots, but I’ll always ask you about those specific shots before sharing them anywhere, with anyone. You’re the boss here, but I’d be tickled pink if you love our shots so much that you want to share them with the world.
Q. How do I arrange a shoot?
Q. Do you ever pay professional models?
A. I’d love to pay professional models. If it were up to me, I’d pay every model who posed for me. In fact, if it were up to me, I’d walk around downtown handing out fists-full of Benjamins to anyone who’d get naked for me. But for the time being, I’m a starving artist just like you are. Until I can get a steady stream of paying clients going on a regular basis, I just don’t have the spare dinero. Until then, I’m happy to do trade shoots with professional models. Here are my policies on that.
You know how you can help on that front? Like and share this website on social media, say nice things, and rave about my photos. Tell your friends how much fun you had shooting with me, and how awesome your experience was and your photos are. Credit the photos we make together and add a link.